The TalkTalk "support" experience

Another offering from the Darn-Poor Rhymer

There’s a fault on my phone line,
Dear Talktalk, dear Talktalk,
There’s a fault on my phone line,
Dear Talktalk, a fault!

Then look on our website,
Dear Neil, dear Neil,
Then look on our website,
And make a report!

There’s no form to report it,
Dear Talktalk, dear Talktalk,
There’s no form to report it,
Dear Talktalk, no form!

Then fire up your mobile,
Dear Neil, dear Neil,
Then fire up your mobile,
Dear Neil, call us!

I don’t have a mobile,
Dear Talktalk, dear Talktalk,
I don’t have a mobile,
So I can’t call you!

Then send us an e-mail,
Dear Neil, dear Neil,
Then send us an e-mail,
Dear Neil, just Send!

The subject is technical,
Dear Talktalk, dear Talktalk,
So my e-mail should go to
Which Talktalk address?

Oh, our techies don’t do e-mail,
Dear Neil, dear Neil,
Our techies don’t do e-mail;
Dear Neil, try Chat!

My Chat’s disconnected,
Dear Talktalk, dear Talktalk,
My Chat’s disconnected,
Dear Talktalk, what next?

Try Chat for a second time,
Dear Neil, dear Neil,
A third time, a fourth time,
Dear Neil, and a fifth!

You’ve now logged the problem,
Dear Talktalk, dear Talktalk,
You’ve now logged the problem,
In an hour and a half.

We’ll call with an update,
Dear Neil, dear Neil,
We’ll call with an update,
Dear Neil, we’ll call!

There’s a fault on my phone line,
Dear Talktalk, dear Talktalk,
There’s a fault on my phone line,
Dear Talktalk, a fault!