The Akademik Shokalskiy Passenger’s Lament

By the Darn-Poor Rhymer

(Neil's note - We interrupt normal service to bring you this message from the Darn-Poor Rhymer. A boatload of global warming alarmists, bound for Antarctica to try to find new excuses why it's worse than we thought, caught for a week in sea ice! In the middle of summer! You really couldn't make this one up.)

A Russian ship was sailing,
For Commonwealth Bay’s shore;
Adventure is my failing,
And this cruise promised more.
One storm, two storm, three storm, four,
Five storm, six storm, seven storm, more!

And so I took a cabin,
And found I was among
Some scientists, whose babblin’
Did seem to me far-flung.
One theory, two theory, three theory, four,
Five theory, six theory, seven theory, more!

They said: “This global warming
That you and we have made
Is killing penguins. Aw! Ming!
Please pass the marmalade.”
One unsubstantiated accusation, two unsubstantiated accusation, three unsubstantiated accusation, four,
Five unsubstantiated accusation, six unsubstantiated accusation, seven unsubstantiated accusation, more!

And journalists had passes;
Grauniad, BBC.
Repeating, for the masses,
Alarmist litany.
One it’s worse than we thought, two it’s worse than we thought, three it’s worse than we thought, four,
Five it’s worse than we thought, six it’s worse than we thought, seven it’s worse than we thought, more!

The evenings, though, were hearty.
It was a Russian ship,
And they ensured the party
Would all enjoy the trip.
One vodka, two vodka, three vodka, four,
Five vodka, six vodka, seven vodka, more!

And so, we came to sea ice,
And to our penguin count.
They said, “Don’t be too precise;
The total must not mount.”
One penguin, two penguin, three penguin, none!
One penguin, two penguin, three penguin. Fun!

And then the Captain ordered
Us all back to the ship.
For we would soon be bordered
By ice we couldn’t rip.
One message, two message, three message, four,
Five message, six message, seven message, more.

But I was chasing Boojums;
And too late did I hark,
Until there came a few chums.
Boy! Did they give me snark.
One insult, two insult, three insult, four,
Five insult, six insult, seven insult, more.

We all survived our bad trip,
And live another day.
But now, I ask, how much scrip
Do we deserve to pay?
One trillion, two trillion, three trillion, four?
Five trillion, six trillion, seven trillion, more?